AND YET. Let me tell you a little story, mmkay? About the first time I was left to my own devices when fending for myself in the dinner department.
This tale takes place many (many, many, many) moons ago. I was probably in 6th or 7th grade. I came home after some sports practice, Mom was at work, and we had our very first box of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese ("It's the cheesiest!") just waiting for me in the cupboard, begging my tastebuds and tempting my empty stomach to succumb to the tantalizing flavors of convenience.
(I write that as if I were some culinary virtuoso, with a palate to die for and all sorts of associated food snobbery. HA. Hahahahaha. Ha. Er...Of COURSE, that is all changed now. However, back then...Well, read on, dear reader, read on. You poor thing.)
(The box I used 15 or so years ago was not nearly so full of shiny marketing goodness.)
5 tiny little letters. That's it. And at first, I was so thoroughly convinced that I had done everything right, that I must have some substandard product, that they MUST have left that little five-letter word off the instructions...
No, just my complete and total ineptitude when it came to something putatively simple and straightforward.
Ladies and gentlemen, I made macaroni and cheese soup. Or macaroni and cheese broth, maybe that's a bit more sophisticated. It was ... well, disgusting is too mild, but that's what it was. I erred in several key areas:
*The macaroni was undercooked, resulting in hard-yet-chewy macaroni. It stuck to your teeth, it tasted like pasta glue, and it sunk like a stone to the bottom of my "broth." That wouldn't be so bad, though, if not for the following:
*DRAIN. Those five little letters, right there. Such a small little word, really, for such an INTEGRAL PART OF THE WHOLE MAC'N'CHEESE PROCESS, don't you think? And when you place such a small, easily-overlooked word in the middle of a veritable PARAGRAPH of Step 2 instructions, well, what do you expect? IT GETS EASILY OVERLOOKED!
(I harbor no resentment towards Kraft nor shame for myself re: this debacle. None. Really. What, it doesn't come across that way? Strange...)
Okay, so the whole thing is: I made Kraft mac'n'cheese from a box. I didn't cook the noodles long enough. I forgot to freaking drain the pasta water before adding magic powdery fake cheese-y "goodness," and then commenced to try and eat my concoction. After several bites, I called Mom at work and told her of my misadventures, wherein she quickly diagnosed the source of most of my watery mac'n'cheese problems: did I drain it?
DRAIN!
Don't try this, okay? It's the whole "I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth" experience, and not in the "that's such a cool and trendy phrase to use now when something weirds you out."
I don't have to drain yogurt, do I?
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