1) I am very poor at time management.
OR
2) I am a creative genius who can mastermind her schedule down to the nth minute.
When I turned 12, I already knew what my summer plans were going to be: detasseling. For those of you unfamiliar with this inhumane (yet lucrative, to a 12-year-old) form of physical labor, the long and the short of it is: you walk (or ride a machine, often both) through rows of corn, pulling off the tassel at the very top. Over. And over. And over. You leave for the fields at 4a to try and beat the heat, work through mid-afternoon, return home exhausted and barely able to keep your eyes open at the dinner table, and pass out asleep earlier than most grandparents...knowing full well that your alarm will go off far too early the next morning so that you can do this all over again.
IT IS FUN. And I haven't even mentioned the particularly unique buggy + wet corn vegetable-y smell that permeates the air...and your clothes, your hair, your skin. I haven't mentioned the layers of dirt and sweat and general disgustingness that you are caked in by the end of the day.
So you shower when you get home. And you shower again in the morning, just to try and stave off some of the disgusting that is to come.
And here (how many paragraphs - and I use that word loosely, Mrs. Michael, I know - in are we?) is my point: many moons ago indeed did I perfect the art of the speed shower. I'm talking (w/ long hair!) washing hair, face, body, all in five minutes or less. (Nowadays I - and Hottie McHots - are lucky if I shower at all! Love you, honey!)
I'm talking about TIME MANAGEMENT, people. I'm talking about valuable consolidation of activities. MULTITASKING. (Or plain old just saving time. You know who you are, Mr. Cutting Through This Gas Station Lot Because I Don't Want to Wait to Make That Turn. THERE IS A LAW AGAINST THAT, I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW.) I'm talking about all of those little tricks you do to shave some minutes off, save some time somewhere (only to fritter it away with you, dear internet, or with my Costco-sized jar of Nutella).
So you shampoo and wash your face, then rinse all together. You condition while you wash your body, rinse all together. You slip on your shoes while you're putting on your coat. You return phone calls while you're grocery shopping (and that has absolutely nothing to do w/ your phone NOT WORKING in your apartment, AHEM AT&T), you know which elevator in the building is the slow one, you know where in the hallway to the grocery store is the best place to pass SLOW PEOPLE.
It's like a game, right? See how fast I can be? See how creative I can get? See how I'm not neurotic, right? Right??
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