2. Have a nanny ± maid service.
3. Like food.
4. Spend all day at Panera "studying."*
5. Grocery shop for essentials like monster bag of Laffy Taffys, peanut butter M&Ms, and Salt 'n' Vinegar Pringles.
6. Sit on your tukkus in front of the sweet goodness that is a flat-screen TV, warming your ridiculously entitled, dying little soul in the soothing glow of The Gateway to Obesity and The Moral Corruption of Society.
Repeat ad nauseum.
*And by "studying," you know I mean fighting to stay awake, zombie reading through chapters of long-forgotten physiology (Starling forces for $500, please), and systematically working my way through THE ENTIRE MENU. (The mac and cheese is the best eat-out mac & cheese I think I've had - just don't look at the calories. 'cuz yeah. Then you'll understand why it's the best.)
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